The Lazarus Pit, Or, And then there were fifteen million…..

I reckon now’s as good a time as any to prod and perturb my long dormant blog back into some form of existence.  As you may or not have surmised, my chief endeavor is my band How I Became The Bomb and we have been fortunate enough that we’ve had a video featuring our music go viral which, surprisingly, has not been as deleterious as it might sound.  To the contrary, it has been quite the spark in many, many regards.  Thusly, it seemed only right to polish off the old writing desk, with its anachronistic Macintosh and all.  I am not quite sure what just yet I’ll do with this old nook on the ‘net but, rest assured, I intend to have a bit of fun.  In the meantime, do your humble narrator a favor and like, share, and whatever else it is one does to the aforementioned video.  It’s called “Ulay, Oh” and I think it’s quite a story, inspired by the provocative art of Marina Abramovic.  Have a look.



Season Saviors And Assassins – Fantasy Fancy 12/6/13 WEEK THIRTEEN

Y.A. Goddamned Tittle!

This week, we argue which players who most saved or doomed fantasy players’ seasons, position by position. We even dole out a lil’ advice for those still in the hunt.

As always, hit us up with #FancyThat on Twitter via usernames @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, & @Captnbromerica and we’ll correspond on air!

Gobbledygooker Or How We Learned To Temporarily Stop Yakking And Let Brandon Write


Travels and Turkeys sometimes get in the way of a good podcast or, hell, in this case, even a poor one.  Luckily, our man Brandon stepped up to the plate with a letter to YOU, dear readers, in hopes of filling the void in your heart.  You know that void.  It can only be filled with middling fantasy advice from a 26 year old software salesman/softball hobbyist.  Take it away, Brando:

Dear Sir or Madame,

If you find yourself reading this, that means you made the playoffs. Awesome Job! With only a week left in the regular season, you should be improving your playoff rosters.  If you still have some work to do, by all means, throw everything at it this week. (But we aren’t talking about you at the moment.)  As you begin preparing your roster for the playoffs, the first thing you need to look at is your own team and identify strengths and weaknesses.  At this point, I recommend sacrificing upside for consistency.  I would rather put a WR 2 out there that is guaranteeing me 10 points (Cecil Shorts) rather than someone that can win the matchup or go 0-fer on any given day (Mike Wallace).  Head to the free agent pool and see what’s left.  If you plan ahead this week, you can snag someone with a favorable matchup coming up in the later rounds in the playoffs.  I feel the most value to gain here is in D/ST. I would not hesitate to have one, even two defenses on my bench for the playoffs if you can find the right matchups.  Here are some defenses I like moving forward:

Buffalo D/ST owned in 9% of ESPN leagues
Week 14 @TB
Week 15 @JAX
Week 16 MIA
Rams D/ST owned in 71% of ESPN leagues (Tavon Magic Bonus Points)
Week 14 @ARI
Week 15 NO (sit obviously)
Week 16 TB
Indy D/ST owned in 27% of ESPN leages
Week 14 @CIN
Week 15 HOU
Week 16 @KC

As far as the skilled positions, I would make sure someone doesn’t have a roster spot just to be there.  If he is on your team, have a week picked out that you know you are going to play him.

QB- I like Alex Smith as vanilla as he can be, but his matchups are favorable if you do not have a better option.  With last weeks loss and this week’s game vs DEN, KC may not be able to coast to the finish line as previously anticipated.  14-@WAS 15-@OAK 16-IND 17-@SD I think all of those games consider an extra look at starting Smith.

Kill RGIII if you haven’t already

Carson Palmer has thrown 6 touchdowns and 1 INT since coming off a BYE in week 9,  so there’s that. 241, 419, and 314 yds.  His value will only continue to rise as he heads to Philly to drop another two dimes on em.   14-STL 15-@TEN

RB/WR- I feel like all we talk about are these goons, and no matter what I write, it’s going to change ten times by the time the time Week 14 rolls around.  Look at the matchups and go with your gut.  Don’t bet against Joe Haden or the SEA secondary.

Don’t make this too complicated.  Don’t be too risky.  Don’t rely 100% on the numbers.  Go with your gut and don’t look back.  That’s what winners do.  If you do your best George W impression and come out guns a’blazin, they’re going to hang a MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner behind you as you pilot a F-35 Thundercat onto the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln.


Capt. Bro ‘Merica

Nice work, Brandon!  The only way this could have been better would to have a picture of George W. Bush in a compromising position to top it all off!  WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY?  WE HAVE SUCH A PICTURE?

We’ll be back next week with another podcast.  As always, hit us up on Twitter via @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, & @captnbromerica.  NOW, EAT.

Gruden Goes Hamm – Fantasy Fancy 11/20/13 WEEK TWELVE

WHO YA GOT?  Or, the further analysis of fantasy football aaaaaaaannnnnnd Celebrity Male Crotch Shots.  THIS IS WEEK TWELVE FANTASY FANCY!

As always, hit us up on Twitter at @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, & @captnbromerica with the #FancyThat, and we’ll respond on air.

J.R.R. Tolzien – Fantasy Fancy 11/13/13 WEEK ELEVEN

This week, Brandon & Austin are super, super sad about their QB quandaries aaaaand we discuss the other terrors and travails of the fantasy football-scape.  Fancy that.

As always, hit us up on Twitter at @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, & @captnbromerica with the #FancyThat, and we’ll respond on air.

Food Poisoning – Fantasy Fancy 11/6/13 WEEK TEN

Brandon’s back!  But he’s quite ill.  Sick in the pants, one might say.  Nonetheless, we made it through another week of picks, trolls, and guffaws.  Get after it!

As always, we are on the twitters under the monikers @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, & @captnbromerica.  Send us your queries and comments with the #FancyThat and we’ll address them on air.

Oblique Strategies – Fantasy Fancy 10/30/13 Week Nine

Time is short, but here’s your Week Nine looksee.  No Brandon this week, but his operation went very smoothly and he’ll be ready to face the world shortly, but would like everyone to call him Brenda now, to reflect his new gender.  I guess I need to start using different pronouns, as well.  She’s so brave, our Brenda.

As always, hit us up on the Twitters with #FancyThat, and we will respond to your questions.  We are @masterjonburr, @heydingis, & @captnbromerica.

All Your Tentacles – Fantasy Fancy 10/23/13 Week Eight

Huzzah!  We have returned from our weeklong absence, for which you can thank our newlywed producer DJ Rusty, to regale you not only with our latest fantasy analysis, but also THIS:

Oh, yes, Austin paid up for his prognostication faux pas like a man.  Unlike @billsimmons or @thecousinsal, you can count on @heydingis to take a Subway footlong to the face.  Furthermore, you can absolutely count on @captnbromerica to swing said sammich like Jose Canseco after a trip to TJ.  ENJOY!

Oh, and here’s a .gif, if you like your Schaubwich ad infinitum:


As always, you can shoot us queries at @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, and @Captnbromerica with the #FancyThat and we’ll do our best to answer them on air.  Arrive safely.

ASCENSION MILLENIUM – Fantasy Fancy 10/9/13 Week Six

You will learn, upon listening to this week’s podcast, that I swore not to post this video.  Welp, I lied.  Here it is, in all its disturbing glory!  Marvel at his sundry homages/downright embarrassing hero worship of and to Michael Jackson!  Hey, there’s Rudy/Samwise/HARRISON MUFUCKIN’ BERGERON!  Be awed by the wonders of the FeldMansion!  ASCENSION!  MILLENIUM!

As always, hit us up on Twitter with the #FancyThat and we’ll answer your fantasy football queries on the show.  We are @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, and @CaptnBromerica.

Early Fat Gay Roles – Fantasy Fancy 10/2/13 Week Five

Hey, now!  Our old cohort Matt “Bearclaw” Nahay is in Brandon’s chair this week!  And since Matt is fresh outta stroke-induced heart surgery, this is no small feat.  We are damned glad to have him with us as we throw tackles and cackles at Week Five’s fantasy football landscape.  Brandon should be back with us next week and, as always, hit us up on Twitter @MasterJonBurr, @HeyDingis, and @CaptnBromerica with the #FancyThat and we’ll answer your queries on air.

BONUS! Here’s the magnificent Deadspin .gif series we discussed on the show: